My emotions are ragging. I don’t even know what I wan anymore.
- Employer: Why do you want to work here?
- Me: Because stripping is a last resort.
- Me: I don't feel like getting caught with drugs.
- Me: I don't feel like going to jail for getting caught with drugs.
- Me: I like stuff and stuff cost money.
- Me: Being broke really isn't as fun as the government makes it sound.
- Me: (What I Really Say) I believe that your company is the exact establishment where I can learn to grow not only as individual, but as a team player while learning life and career lessons that I will be able to apply to multiple situations in the future.
It’s really irritating when people speak badly of gays.
so you’re saying I can win 5 iphones every day??? and all I have to do is give my credit card number on this website I’ve never heard about??? well slam me in my tender butthole sir you’ve just got yourself a deal
*walks past group of teenagers and assumes they’re making fun of me*
Demi Lovato needs to give my pants a break
So excited to work my new jobs!
*dusts off entire photo album of selfies and shows grandchildren*
how do people cheat i cant even find one person to kiss me let alone two
hello 911 yes i’d like to report a murder
this bitch killed my vibe
- Dentist: *stabs you in your chest*
- Dentist: You're bleeding because you don't floss.